I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
