I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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