Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
