wakey wakey hands off snakey
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
