So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
