I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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