The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
