she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
