i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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