I feel great
I just peed on a car
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
