when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
