Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
