I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
