Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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