I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
