I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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