I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
