Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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