He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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