saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
