Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
