How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
