Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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