The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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