Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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