I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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