6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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