I could make wine with my vomit
I cut my penus on the lid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
