Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
