Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just invented taco cereal.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize