I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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