Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
