I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
