Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she looked like the before picture.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
