I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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