If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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