when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i love accidental penises.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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