All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was born a porn star she said
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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