Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
