I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
