the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
