i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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