Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
