i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
