sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
