His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
