Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
