You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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