It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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