I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
