Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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