My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
