I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize