that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
