just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
