The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
