....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
did i just pee glitter
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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