I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
