It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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