she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Panties = found
Randomize
