Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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