my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
