Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
