I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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