I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
