i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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