i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
