i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
