i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my being single is dangerous.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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