the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
