this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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