This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
