ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize