Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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