I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
