Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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