i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
