would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
