Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
