It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
