I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize