Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
