Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
