I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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