No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
