Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize