How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
