I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
