Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I want to be your penis for a week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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