just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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