i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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