Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
