just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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