It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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