just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
