I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
