I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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