he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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