this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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