I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
