I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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