remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
